I faked an abortion last night.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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