Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
