My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
ugly people sure do ruin things
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
