I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
