just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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