If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I would ride that face into the sunset
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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