I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
