NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
