I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
