It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
