we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
