I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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