Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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