Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
