when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
