I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
