btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
