Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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