She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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