Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Randomize
