ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
