there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
