Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
