Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
my sisters under your porch take her home
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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