erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
