It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
