$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
