I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Randomize
