Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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