But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
