He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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