you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
