apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
