Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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