Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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