My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
