my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
