My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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