One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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