i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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