Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
