Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I would ride that face into the sunset
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
