You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
