He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Is it because I queefed?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I AM VODKA MAN
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
