it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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