Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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