Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Slut skills are useful in every country.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
