So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
