I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
