There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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