you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
