I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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