oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
