The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
