Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Who died my cat blue again?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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