So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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