So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
